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Talk:Sakura Xavier/Post-Skip/@comment-14973435-20170328081728
Since you have asked for a review of Sakua Xavier, I will do so since I assume you desire to see exactly how she is in order to compete within the Jigoku Games of this year. I’ll be honest there are a number of problems with the page that can be improved but don’t fret. I’m positive that you can easily fix ‘em. The most noticeable issue that I will cover first is the number of grammatical errors. I would personally suggest using a grammar checker if you feel the desire to improve on it. Another problem which I have found myself coming across while reading though this page would have to be the formatting, as it is hard to track exactly where is what within the page. To show you exactly how it should be, I will go over each specific portion in the manner most pages are generally formatted to give you an idea on how to clean it up. Introduction The introduction for Sakura Xavier’s page is quite oddly worded but I am attributing to the fact it is stating fact which happened in the midst of her timeskip and you also have to go over what was written down on her original page. This is personally just me but I would suggest combining the two pages into one. I can understand that while you want people to known which specific version of Sakura you are using as there are ability Sakura can only use after her timeskip, you can easily state in an ability’s description when Sakura developed the skill or gained said Magic. However, if you want to keep the pages as separate, I can understand that and would simply suggest that you fix up the intro to be more condensed. This is an example I have written down in order to give you a general idea of what I personally believe it would look like. You can choose to use it if you want or leave it like it is, as this is just advice. *Example :Sakura Xavier (サクラ・ザビエル, Sakura Zabieru) is a affiliated with Stellara Nocte, a which is compared to a for s who desire to hone their Magic with a family by their side. Originally being a Ariana De Monte's , she was freed through the efforts of an unknown hero and eventually met the Xavier Family who decided to adopt her as their sister. As time progressed, the family had a a falling out which resulted in each of them going their separate ways as Sakura developed an unprecedented hatred towards her former brothers. :After wandering for several years, Sakura discovered and joined the Libertus Guild in hopes for a fresh start. Taking a liking towards the guild, she developed many friendships and even formed a team, Rapio. It was here where Sakura became a practitioner of Take Over, learning the unique variation known as Angel Soul to become the Guardian of Paradise, Jehoel (楽園の保護者・エホエル, Rakuen no Hogosha, Ehoeru). Several months after failing the S-Class Trials Promotional Trials, Sakura was approached by her mother Eve who informed her of Ame Xavier's true identity. Feeling obligated to stop her former brother, Sakura left Libertus as a sign of taking responsibility. In the midst of her journey to find her former brother, Sakura was eventually brought to Stellara Nocte after being dragged towards the Guild by Gai Diyos and Nero Atosaki upon seeing her nearly pass out within the vicinity of the guild house. }} Infobox I’ve noticed that your infobox is quite messy in a sense, so I’ve taken the liberty of making an example to show you a way to make it neat. You may have noticed that the profile picture is different which is because in my personal opinion, the current one looks quite horrible. While that doesn’t mean you have to use the one I suggested, I would at the most attempt to find a better one as the current one looks poor in quality. You will have noticed that I added the name for the weapon within the Infobox as well as not including Fire Magic and Alpha and Omega. I will cover this more when I reach the abilities portion of the review. |previous occupation= |team= |previous team=Rapio |base of operations=Akane Forest |sexuality=Bisexual |marital status=Single |spouse= |allies=Eve Rapio Libertus |enemies=Xavier Family Ariana De Monte |relatives=Eve (Mother) Xavier Family |magic=Chain Magic Take Over: Angel Soul Alpha and Omega(via Take Over: Angel Soul) |curse= |abilities= |signature skill= |weaponry and armor=Celestial Weapon: Collbrande |other equipment= |debut= |image gallery= }} Appearance After reading over the appearance section of Sakura Xavier, I would have to say you probably want to improve this section as it is quite lacking in terms of going into detail and the wording is odd as there are sentences which go on for a little too long or just worded in a strange way. If you are going to keep the page where it is separate, I would suggest rewriting it in a way where you compare it her younger self. Instead of saying she hasn’t changed much, go into detail about how she has grown in equal terms, physically and emotionally when compared to her younger self. I would also suggest replacing her appearance image with something that displays more of her body. These are the best examples I could find: this and this. Personality There isn’t much I can offer at this point other than doing a proper grammar check and perhaps elaborating more on certain traits she possesses such as what resulted in her developing said traits when compared to her younger counterpart. As well as focus a specific paragraph on traits which fit within the mood. Like traits associated with happiness should be compiled together they fit with one another. History Seeing as you don’t have a history portion on Sakura’s page, I will skip this. I would suggest if you fuse the Pre- and Post-timeskip pages together that you compile everything that has happened within her backstory into this area. Equipment Once again, can’t go much into this section but not because it doesn't exist but because the weapons your character manifest if tied to her Angel Soul. As such, they should be within that section as they can only be manifest via said Magic. Magic and Abilities Physical Attributes More Coming Soon... Magical Abilities More Coming Soon... Conclusion